Keep on keepin on....

So I am down to 408, again.  I am now to the point of being pissed off at the 400's.  I'm so sick of seeing that number, of hearing that number, of being that number.  I want these last 8 pounds gone, forever, I don't want to lose them, I want to annihilate them!  Maybe I should get mad more often.  I like the changes I am now feeling and seeing.  My clothes are looser, my face looks thinner and a few have even commented on how much smaller I look.  41 pounds gone and I should be happy about that.  However, I feel like I haven't done anything unless I can get under that dang 400 mark.  I know, I'm a dork for not celebrating the success but I'm just being totally honest about how I am feeling.  I'm working out from 5-6am and again from 8-9pm 5 days this week.  I will either get this weight off or die trying.  Wish me luck people, don't worry, I'm very aware that luck has nothing to do with weight loss.  I will continue to listen to the advice of those that are successful and do all I can to battle my demons and win win win!

Whoo hoooo!

I had a wonderful time in Ocean Shores!  I walked on the beach for an hour.  I have only ever done 25 minutes on the treadmill so this was wonderful.  I weighed in this week and was down 3 pounds!  At the Tops conference a lot of the ladies that lost over 100 pounds said that they didn't give up the things they loved altogether.  They simply had small portions.  Depriving yourself of the simple pleasures in life is no fun, so have a small piece of whatever satisfies you.  Feeling guilty about eating something does no one any good.  Enjoy your day, enjoy your life and keep it under control.  I would rather have a one inch square brownie or one Hershey's Kiss 3 times a week than say goodbye to them forever.  Just remember to really enjoy the treat you eat. Smell it, taste it, savor it and make it last.  We are that we might have joy.  No one is the same, different techniques work for different individuals.  Take what I can share with you and use what works for you.  We are not cookie cut outs, we are unique and we each struggle in different areas so you must experiment a bit and find what works for you.  A common mistake when couples change their eating habits together is that they don't realize that doing the exact same thing will not have the exact same results because our bodies are so different.  We are one of a kind, it takes time to find what will work best for you.  Support those you love, but more importantly, support yourself...........Hugs

Back on track!

So two weeks ago I lost 5.5 pounds and this week 1.5.  That is wonderful and I feel great!  My body really wants to hang on to this weight and I am so telling my body to back down and let it go.  I don't want to just lose this weight to find it later. I want to kill it dead and burn it, never to be used on me again.  Ya!  I'm headed to Ocean Shores with my daughter for a conference with TOPS and I hope to walk on the beach and maybe find some nice shells to bring home.  This is my time to relax, think about what is important and re-evaluate my goals.  Summer is upon me, I must pick up my momentum and just do it.  Until next time...........

Spiritual well being

Although this is not a religious blog, I am a religious person. On occasion I have a thought and manage to write it down.  I feel strongly that spiritual and physical health are linked.  I am trying to work on both, all the time.  This morning, this is how I felt, " Sometimes, when I'm over tired, frustrated and feel alone in my struggles, I imagine falling backwards into the arms of angels that gently stand me upright to face my challenges with a new found hope & strength." I hope you can all find something to fall back on that will lift you and not push you down.

Gone too long..........

So this is where one would apologize for not writing and say things like life got in the way, blah bla bla.....Not here, not me.  I'm about the truth because only the truth shall set you free.  Ya, I really just quoted that, lol.  I have not been posting because of guilt.  I felt like I didn't have the right to keep you all updated on how bad I was screwing up when really I should.  We all go up and down on things in our lives and why should I feel the need to sugar coat reality?  I shouldn't, so I have decided to make it a personal goal to keep posting on here, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Yes, I just quoted that too....lol  Anyway, I have had a rough month and I now feel worthy enough to write again, but in the future, I'm posting no matter what!  My hubby went out of town on a job and the common excuse is that I was overwhelmed and felt like I just didn't have enough time in the day so fast food and unhealthy things were my only option. Bull!  Truth is, I did not manage my time in a way to prepare and plan meals so that when time was an issue I wouldn't have to make stupid choices.  I fed myself and my children the wrong things for three weeks!  Whatever, it is what it is and if I can learn from this it was not all in vain.  I am over feeling horrible and guilty and now I'm on the "beat the crap out of myself at the gym" stage.  Meal planning has never been easy for me.  I grew up in a single working parent home and so Mac-n-Cheese and Ravioli's were a staple.  I saw my Mom for 3 hours in the evenings and on weekends so I didn't learn a whole lot in the kitchen area.  Not an excuse for my behavior, mind you, but a reason I need to strive to learn more each day.  Until my next post people.  

Danger Zone

Word of warning, be careful the favors you perform.  I was asked to make some cannoli's and some tamale's.  I love to make those special things and I didn't mind doing it, until.........Oh my goodness I forgot about all of the tasting that was involved with that.  O.K. let's be honest, I didn't forget I simply chose to taste test every freaking thing.  So bad.  So what are the consequences?  I think we all know.  I keep gaining and losing the same 5 pounds over and over.  I feel stuck and frustrated right now.  I know I will get through this, probably when all the left overs are out of the house and not a minute before.  Sorry people, I'm not the best example right now.  At least you know I'm human and that I'm honest.  I promise you that I will not be sugar coating anything in this blog.  Life is not sugar coated, as much as we would like it to be.  So I'm recognizing my problems as I go and choosing to make adjustments where I can.  Note to self: no more making cannoli's or tamale's without a substitute taste tester and duck tape on my mouth, lol........

Feel

When I have a big loss, like the past two weeks, I feel great!  Too great actually.  This can get me into trouble so beware.  I can't get too prideful with success or I lose sight of what I'm doing, screw up and gain.  So this week I am working on focus and humility.