Gone too long.....

I am happy to report that I'm now at 398.  So happy to be under the dreaded 400 mark.  I'm soooo happy about that.  It's been hard but it's still a day to day struggle. Every thing I put into my body requires me to think about it and make a choice.  I wish I could say it was easy, but the truth is, I will have to keep thinking about my food until my good choices become great, natural habits.  I'll try not to stay away so long, I'm working full time now so my time is limited but I'll try harder to keep you all informed of my progress. 

Patients!

I don't want to be patient.  I'm at 401 and have been for two weeks now.  When will my body catch up to my brain and get under that dang number already?  I'm sure there are many technical reasons why my body is taking it's sweet time, but to be quite honest, I don't give a crap!  I have been watching my portions, drinking my water, working out even though I have a partial tear to my left ankle tendon and I want to see some results.  I can totally see why people give up.  I won't give up, I would like to some days but getting through the bad days is where the prize lies.  I must carry on and hope that next Thursday, the scale is kind to me. 

Kristine

Post 4th of July!

I had a really good 4th. I managed to stay active.  I even tossed the football around at the river, I had forgotten that I could spiral it pretty good.  I played a little volleyball, without moving too much because I am nursing a partial tendon tear on my ankle.  Then there were the horseshoes, very fun, even if I didn't score at all.  It felt really good to be with friends that didn't judge me for my size and didn't make me feel out of place.  After my 402 weigh in I had a 3 pound gain.  I'm sure it was from just eating a bit too much over the Holiday so I'm not beating myself up about it.  I hope to have a loss this week and have been watching my portions.  Summer is always hard on me because I am already insulated and any heat is miserable for me.  Hard to run errands, sleep, just function in general.  Once my weight is down some more, that won't be such an issue.  Have a great week people....................................

Almost there!

By some small miracle, I have finally made it to 402!  I am totally holding my breath right now too.  I have been on such a roller coaster ride lately.  I have been really concentrating on my portion sizes and that seems to be what I'm needing right now.  I am pretty sure that my stomach has shrunk too. I was enjoying a piece of pizza with a friend and she handed me another one.  I couldn't eat it, I didn't even try. I was satisfied with the one piece.  In the past I would have had 6.  I'm amazed that I can see the changes in my face. Little things like that give me strength to keep on keepin on..........

Keep on keepin on....

So I am down to 408, again.  I am now to the point of being pissed off at the 400's.  I'm so sick of seeing that number, of hearing that number, of being that number.  I want these last 8 pounds gone, forever, I don't want to lose them, I want to annihilate them!  Maybe I should get mad more often.  I like the changes I am now feeling and seeing.  My clothes are looser, my face looks thinner and a few have even commented on how much smaller I look.  41 pounds gone and I should be happy about that.  However, I feel like I haven't done anything unless I can get under that dang 400 mark.  I know, I'm a dork for not celebrating the success but I'm just being totally honest about how I am feeling.  I'm working out from 5-6am and again from 8-9pm 5 days this week.  I will either get this weight off or die trying.  Wish me luck people, don't worry, I'm very aware that luck has nothing to do with weight loss.  I will continue to listen to the advice of those that are successful and do all I can to battle my demons and win win win!

Whoo hoooo!

I had a wonderful time in Ocean Shores!  I walked on the beach for an hour.  I have only ever done 25 minutes on the treadmill so this was wonderful.  I weighed in this week and was down 3 pounds!  At the Tops conference a lot of the ladies that lost over 100 pounds said that they didn't give up the things they loved altogether.  They simply had small portions.  Depriving yourself of the simple pleasures in life is no fun, so have a small piece of whatever satisfies you.  Feeling guilty about eating something does no one any good.  Enjoy your day, enjoy your life and keep it under control.  I would rather have a one inch square brownie or one Hershey's Kiss 3 times a week than say goodbye to them forever.  Just remember to really enjoy the treat you eat. Smell it, taste it, savor it and make it last.  We are that we might have joy.  No one is the same, different techniques work for different individuals.  Take what I can share with you and use what works for you.  We are not cookie cut outs, we are unique and we each struggle in different areas so you must experiment a bit and find what works for you.  A common mistake when couples change their eating habits together is that they don't realize that doing the exact same thing will not have the exact same results because our bodies are so different.  We are one of a kind, it takes time to find what will work best for you.  Support those you love, but more importantly, support yourself...........Hugs

Back on track!

So two weeks ago I lost 5.5 pounds and this week 1.5.  That is wonderful and I feel great!  My body really wants to hang on to this weight and I am so telling my body to back down and let it go.  I don't want to just lose this weight to find it later. I want to kill it dead and burn it, never to be used on me again.  Ya!  I'm headed to Ocean Shores with my daughter for a conference with TOPS and I hope to walk on the beach and maybe find some nice shells to bring home.  This is my time to relax, think about what is important and re-evaluate my goals.  Summer is upon me, I must pick up my momentum and just do it.  Until next time...........

Spiritual well being

Although this is not a religious blog, I am a religious person. On occasion I have a thought and manage to write it down.  I feel strongly that spiritual and physical health are linked.  I am trying to work on both, all the time.  This morning, this is how I felt, " Sometimes, when I'm over tired, frustrated and feel alone in my struggles, I imagine falling backwards into the arms of angels that gently stand me upright to face my challenges with a new found hope & strength." I hope you can all find something to fall back on that will lift you and not push you down.

Gone too long..........

So this is where one would apologize for not writing and say things like life got in the way, blah bla bla.....Not here, not me.  I'm about the truth because only the truth shall set you free.  Ya, I really just quoted that, lol.  I have not been posting because of guilt.  I felt like I didn't have the right to keep you all updated on how bad I was screwing up when really I should.  We all go up and down on things in our lives and why should I feel the need to sugar coat reality?  I shouldn't, so I have decided to make it a personal goal to keep posting on here, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Yes, I just quoted that too....lol  Anyway, I have had a rough month and I now feel worthy enough to write again, but in the future, I'm posting no matter what!  My hubby went out of town on a job and the common excuse is that I was overwhelmed and felt like I just didn't have enough time in the day so fast food and unhealthy things were my only option. Bull!  Truth is, I did not manage my time in a way to prepare and plan meals so that when time was an issue I wouldn't have to make stupid choices.  I fed myself and my children the wrong things for three weeks!  Whatever, it is what it is and if I can learn from this it was not all in vain.  I am over feeling horrible and guilty and now I'm on the "beat the crap out of myself at the gym" stage.  Meal planning has never been easy for me.  I grew up in a single working parent home and so Mac-n-Cheese and Ravioli's were a staple.  I saw my Mom for 3 hours in the evenings and on weekends so I didn't learn a whole lot in the kitchen area.  Not an excuse for my behavior, mind you, but a reason I need to strive to learn more each day.  Until my next post people.  

Danger Zone

Word of warning, be careful the favors you perform.  I was asked to make some cannoli's and some tamale's.  I love to make those special things and I didn't mind doing it, until.........Oh my goodness I forgot about all of the tasting that was involved with that.  O.K. let's be honest, I didn't forget I simply chose to taste test every freaking thing.  So bad.  So what are the consequences?  I think we all know.  I keep gaining and losing the same 5 pounds over and over.  I feel stuck and frustrated right now.  I know I will get through this, probably when all the left overs are out of the house and not a minute before.  Sorry people, I'm not the best example right now.  At least you know I'm human and that I'm honest.  I promise you that I will not be sugar coating anything in this blog.  Life is not sugar coated, as much as we would like it to be.  So I'm recognizing my problems as I go and choosing to make adjustments where I can.  Note to self: no more making cannoli's or tamale's without a substitute taste tester and duck tape on my mouth, lol........

Feel

When I have a big loss, like the past two weeks, I feel great!  Too great actually.  This can get me into trouble so beware.  I can't get too prideful with success or I lose sight of what I'm doing, screw up and gain.  So this week I am working on focus and humility.

Pounds gone!

I was worried after my soda episode but I am happy to report that last week I lost 6.5 pounds and this last Thursday at weigh in I lost another 5.5 pounds.  Sound great but really it's only a loss of 2 pounds because I gained 10 after my soda relapse.  But still, a loss is a loss and I'm going in the right direction.  I'm now at 407 and I am so close to being at three something I can taste it.  How exciting that will be, I'm sure I'll be bawling on the scale when they have to take the extra weight off the scale to weigh me.  It's a little attachment they have to put on there, just for me because I exceed the 399 mark.  Not for long!  I haven't worked out this week because of not feeling well but I'm on the mend and ready to get back to the gym for some great torture sessions with my treadmill and weights.......I'll try to do better with my blogging now that I feel better.  Have a great weekend people's..............................

Soda

So January 20th was my Birthday and I had a total relapse with the soda.  I'm not talking about a glass here or two there I mean a huge relapse.  I hadn't had that much sugar in my mouth in a very long time and boy did I like it, I'm not gonna lie. I drank 6 litters in a 3 day period, ya you heard me right, 6 freakin liters.  Finally my wonderful husband intervened and bought me some Talking Rain.  It's a flavored bubbly water and it's how I got off soda in the first place.  The problem is, the damage was done.  When I had weigh in with my Nutritionist I had gained 10 pounds in a week.  I know right!  I think she added up the calories and it was like 6000 or something.  I felt like crap, I felt disappointed in myself and I felt like I let the people trying to help me, down.  That lasted for about a two week period and I'm now on the mend.  Ready to pick myself back up, and continue on my journey.  I am no longer a hater of the treadmill.  When I first started with it I was going .5 for about 7 minutes.  Yesterday, I was at a 2.1 for 25 minutes.  I was sweating like a pig and almost fainted but I did it.  I don't weigh in again until next week so I'll be doing my best to behave myself until then.  Stupid sugar soda, what was I thinking?  Oh ya I was thinking that food and drink had no calories on my Birthday and then went two days more.  It's alright, we all have our off days, we just need to get back up and keep going.  No shame in falling down, only in not getting up.  Hugs to my readers!

Snow Days

So the kids have been out of school for 5 days now, Martin Luther King's Birthday and then 3 snow days in a row.  I'm a bit stressed out about now.  My last weigh in resulted in a gain, no shock there.  I knew I had eaten way too many carbs.  I'm not in the gym this week because of the snow, or is that just something I'm telling myself?  Mhhhmmmmm......Anyway, I'm doing better this week and have learned from my mistakes.  This is a great time of year to experiment with all of the beans and barley out there.  If you have a crock pot, use it.  I made an egg salad sandwich the other day and used half Mayo (ooohh bad word) and half vanilla yogurt.  It was really good.  If you can find little short cuts like that it will really make a difference in the long run.  Until next weigh in or the next random thought I get and just have to share...................

Carb overload.......

So I had a bit of a relapse and ate way too many carbs yesterday.  I'm sure it was stress related and I will see what it did to me on the scale tonight.  I'm going to beat myself up though, that's not what I need to do.  We will all slip up now and again, it's when we stop getting back up that you should be concerned.  I'll weigh in tonight and then report.

8 more pounds!

So happy I stayed away from the fast food chain as I am now 8 pounds lighter.  Nothing tastes as good as thin feels..................I have been paying attention to the way my teenagers eat and it's interesting to me how their emotions have so much to do with how they eat.  I of course know this to be true first hand.  If I'm in love, I don't even think about food, if I'm depressed, it's all I gravitate towards.  Stress is interesting as well.  Stress eating affects people differently.  Some people are salt eaters, sugar eaters, or carb eater's.  If you are in tune with your emotions you can control what you put in your mouth while stress eating.  Someone told me this week that fruit was a no no if you were trying to lose weight.  I'm sorry, I may not have a degree but choosing fruit over some of the other crap out there is not a no no.  She wanted me to instead eat a health bar that had so many chemicals in the ingredients list it made my head spin.  No thanks.  Guess what's in a banana?  Yup you guessed it, a banana.  Come on people, common sense is a great thing to have in today's world.  More on this later.

New Year's Eve, Day

So about 12:45pm New Year's Eve, New Year's Day I am picking up 5 teenagers from a dance in Renton and all they want to do is go to McDonald's.  Please they plead with me.  Timmy has money they say as if that will make we want to take them.  I said NO!  I am not going to spend the first hour of the New Year at a fast food establishment.  They were a little shocked and I also said, this is the year for me.  The year this weight comes off whether is wants to or not.  I do not wish to put anything in my mouth that won't help me reach my goals and I will not support an establishment that is aiding to the obesity of my friends and family.  Then we rocked out to their favorite music and all was well.