Are the Holiday's over yet?

Oh my goodness, when will the insanity end?  I know people mean well and just want to be kind but I am so over getting plates of goodies.  I realize that I am a bit unique and not everyone needs to stay away from that crap but come on people.  Who gives a dying horse a new saddle or a drowning man a glass of water?  It's not like I can hide the fact that I'm gigantic so please people, please give all the goody plates to the skinny lady down the lane.  Am I being ridiculous?  Probably.  But let's face it, I'm not just 10 or 20 pounds overweight, I am 225 pounds overweight!  This is my life I am trying to save so I think I am justified in being a bit ridiculous.  I have reached the point that I don't really care how rude it is not to eat something offered to me.  If it won't help me get my life healthier, I don't want it.  Is it just me or do I sound a bit angry in the last few posts?

P.S. For all of those kind people that did bring our family goodies for the Holiday's, I thank you for your kindness and although I did not partake, they did and they loved them.  Please don't take my rants personally, I love that we were thought of with kindness.

Part of a letter

I have a friend that I really care about and this is part of a letter I sent.  I just thought it had some relevance here on my blog.

     Start today, look yourself in the mirror and say 3 good things about yourself each day.  No more Brad Pitt crap, no more if I could only lose my weight garbage.  I'm over 400 pounds, if I waited till I lost my weight to start living my life I would have no life.  I'm big, get over it!  I am doing all I can to learn about how to eat better and I am making progress.  But I get up every morning and cook and clean for my family, I sew with my Mom, I write my Blog, I visit my freinds and I attend church.  I am living my life, and I feel really sorry for the fatties on t.v. that are stuck in a chair in their living rooms and talk about how they can't do this or that, and their family has to feed them and bathe them.  WHATEVER!  So not how I want to end up so I get my fat _ _ _ out of bed every day, as painful as it may be and I live my life to the fullest.  Now you can do this, and if you don't believe in yourself then by golly you just lean on my faith in you until you do.  I know, I really said by golly, stop laughing.  Anyway, that's your lecture for the day.


Whether or not my friend will change is up to him.  Regardless, this is how I feel, take it or leave it.

4.25 pounds!

I am sooooo relieved that I had another loss.  Wow, that's it then, I have to keep doing what I'm doing.  Whole grains, lots of veggies and fruit and I have rice milk with my grapenuts in the a.m. and I am staying away from the cheese and butter and dairy foods.  My meat is mostly fish, chicken and turkey with the occasional beef, and when I say occasional I mean once a week.  Here's to another successful week people!

Cool!

So I as I'm driving around in the car today I realize that my steering wheel isn't rubbing against my belly any more.  You may think this is nothing but for me it is a gigantic victory!  I am getting a bit excited at the possibilities.  I mean really, could it be that in a short time I will be buying a smaller clothing size or sitting in a movie theater without issues?  I think yes!  I have to stay focused on my daily goals.  By the way, don't ever make a weight loss goal too big.  I mean yes I want to lose over 200 pounds but if that's my goal on a day to day basis, forget it, I will get overwhelmed and give up.  I work on 10 pound goals at a time.  This works for me and you will have to find what works for you.  It's like when you start to change your eating habits, if you go too big too fast you will give up.  Pace yourself and work one day at a time.  So I have weigh in tonight and I'm a little nervous because I feel like I have a loss but I don't want to phyc myself up and end up crying over a 1/2 pound gain if I have one.  Two weeks ago I lost 9 pounds after my experimental vegan diet and last week I didn't gain or lose, I just maintained so this week I'm hoping for a good loss but not gonna hold my breath. 

When?

When do you know you have soaked up your new healthy information?  When a woman walks by with a cup of orange juice and all I see is a cup of sugar!  Really, just eat an orange people.  Maybe I'm way too involved in this health kick I'm on.............No I need to be educated on what goes in my mouth.  If I had know even a fraction of this stuff 18 years ago, I would be a very fit woman right now.  I just hope I can pass this stuff off to my children so they won't have to feel what it's like to be this large.  I don't think that my family really understands sometimes what it is to be this heavy.  I'd like to get my hands on one of those body suits that they put weights in.  If they could just go up and down the stairs a couple of times and get in and out of the car and walk down to the mail box and back, then they would have a whole new perspective on what I go through each and every day. 

Treats for the Holidays!

Let's be honest, I am going to eat some Holiday treats.  I'm not even gonna lie to myself about that.  I will be concentrating on my portions and on how I eat.  I will try those once a year goodies that people bring to parties or as gifts, I really will.  The thing is I have learned how to eat them.  Leaning back in my chair as I tip the cookie pan and all dozen fall in my mouth as I wash it down with egg nog will not be the route this season.  I will smell it and gently place whatever it is in my mouth and let it melt slowly as I remember the texture and odor and goodness.  It will take a bit longer but I will enjoy it and savor it and not feel guilty about it.  The guilt comes from inhaling our goodies and not remembering we ate them.  Kind of like if we do it fast it's like it never happened.  No, no, no..........Do not punish yourselves or put yourself in a corner this season.  Openly take a cookie or a chocolate or whatever and take your time to enjoy it.  Don't be taking more that you know you should but do enjoy what you eat.  Food is not the enemy, what we do with it is.  A gun doesn't work without a bullet and a trigger finger.  Your body doesn't work without food and a helping hand.  You are in control of your actions, at least you are trying to learn how to be in control.  I will be strong this season and not feel guilty at all about what I choose to savor, as long as I truly savor it.  Happy Holiday's People.

Whole Grain Warning!

So I'm pretty sure that I have only adult followers so I don't really need to be too descriptive here.  While consuming large quantities of whole grains, while very good for you, please do yourself a favor and DRINK A LOT OF WATER!  Ya so I'm just trying to save you from spending way too much time in a certain room in your home.  There that wasn't so bad, was it.

Hungry?

So there is actually this thing called the Hunger Scale!  Very helpful once you learn it.  This scale goes from 0 - 10 You basically rate your hunger level before you eat and again when you are finished eating.  You mark it down like a graph and figure out your eating pattern.  Then you can move away from using your head to decide your eating patterns and towards listening to your body.  So here is what the numbers mean.
0  -  Starving and beyond
1  -  You are so hungry you want to order everything on the menu
2  -  Everything on a menu begins to look good.  You may be very preoccupied with your hunger
3  -  You are hungry and the urge to eat is strong
4  -  A little hungry, you can wait to eat, but you know you will be getting hungrier soon
5  -  Neutral.  Not hungry.  Not full.
6  -  No longer hungry, you sense food in your belly, but you could definitely eat more
7  -  Hunger is definitely gone.  Stop here and you may not feel hungry again for 3 to 4 hours
8  -  Not uncomfortable but definitely have eaten a belly full
9  -  Moving into uncomfortable
10-  Thanksgiving full.  Very uncomfortable, maybe even painful and unbuttoning your pants
\
You want to stay between 3 and 7.  You can check out the book "Hungerwork"- it goes along with the hunger scale and journals.

If you never have tried the Hershey's Kiss experiment, I recommend it.  You put a Hershey's Kiss in your mouth and just let it melt without chewing.  Sit silently and savor the chocolate.  Time yourself to see how long it takes to disolve.  Now, think about how many we put in our mouth and how quick we eat stuff like that.  It's crazy when we could be taking the time to really enjoy things.  For me, it took 4 minutes to eat that one Hershy Kiss.  Slow down people, really.  Until next time...............

Diets don't work!

Diets don't work because we tell ourselves that once we finish this diet things can go back to the way they were.  Wrong!  They also don't work because we tell ourselves that we can't have this or that ever again.  Let me just say that unless you are willing to make an actual life style change and keep it up you won't succeed.  But one has to be realistic about it too.  You really shouldn't tell yourself, "I will never eat chocolate cake or ice cream or soda again for the rest of my life".  Duh how stupid is that.  It's more about controlling your portions and putting into your body healthy things most of the time.  Don't ever think that you will never have your favorite comfort food again or you will never succeed.  We all like treats and desserts and we should be able to enjoy them without feeling guilty about it.  We are not cutting ourselves off from the rest of the world and isolating ourselves in some prison call the diet chamber!  Come on, get real, we are human and as such we are allowed choices and we are allowed to have some comfort food once in awhile.  Wow, I got myself all worked up there.  Anyway it was on my mind and I had to share.

Portion Control

So until my nutritionist talked to me about it, I really had no idea what portion control was.  I so hated that dang food pyramid they gave us in elementary and all through school.  Whatever!  I never could figure that stupid thing out.  Well now they have done away with the food pyramid and put this plate thing down.  I don't know how the Government is doing it exactly (you can look it up at myplate.gov) but this is how I was taught.  On your plate cut it in half.  One half should be full of veggies, salad,  and fruit.  Or one or all of those.  Now the other half cut again and on 1/4th you should have some kind of whole grain.  On the other 1/4th should be lean protein.  Now don't freak out because I said lean.  You do what you can at whatever stage you are at.  Now to some lean would mean to cut the excess fat off of the steak first.  For me however, it means chicken, turkey or salmon.  I would say fish but since salmon is the only fish I personally eat, that's what it is.  So when you serve yourself, arrange it on your plate like this and it is a tremendous help in getting healthy.  Next, try as hard as you can to only take one serving.  That's it, just one and then you are done until your snack.  Now let's be real, this is a hard one.  It was really hard for me and I really didn't know how bad my portions were out of whack until I did this exercise.  I was taking 3 and sometimes 4 helpings of things at every meal.  Duh, no wonder I'm so pleasantly plump.  A few tricks to help you stop after one serving:
                        Leave the table    Place your napkin on your plate   Ruin your plate by pouring a beverage or condiment over it   
Remember, it takes your tummy 10 minutes to realize it has food in it.  So eating a bit slower will help also.  Putting your fork down after every bite is helpful as well.  Good luck, you can do this.  Trust me, if someone like myself can change, anyone can.

Snack Ideas

Grab on the go: Protein bar- look for one around 200 calories with less than 15 brams of sugar
                         One rice cake with 1/4 of an avacado, sprinkled with black pepper
                          12 baby carrots with 1/4 cup hummus
                         14-16 raw almonds with on string cheese
                          1/4 cup raisins mised with 10 raw cashews
                          6 oz non-fat plain Greek yogurt topped with 2tsb honey and 10 raspberries
                          6 celery sticks topped with 2 tbsp peanut butter
                          4 oz low fat cottage cheese with one sliced pear
                          12 baked tortilla chips with 2 tbsp bean dip and 2 tbsp salsa

For at home: Smoothie made with one banana 1/2 cupmixed frozen beries, 1/2 cup almond milk or rice milk, and 2 tsp maple syrup
                    1 cup steamed greens with 1tbsp goddess dressing and 2 tsp sesame seeds
                    1 cup air popped popcorn tossed with 2tsp olive oil and 1 tbsp nutritional yeast
                     2 sliced tomatoes + 1 ounce mozzarella+5 basil leaves + 1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
                    1 cup blackberries, 1/4 cup part skim ricotta, 1/2 tsp honey, greated lemon zest
                    1 skinny cow white mint truffle bar
                    1/4 cup pinapple juice, 1/4 cup plain low at yogurt, 1/4 cup strawberries, 1/2 frozen banana
                 blended together.

There are many more but this should get you started for now.  Remember to start reading lables. 

Old Habits make me sick.

I recently made a very bad choice and ate some french fries, I know don't freak out it's true.  I really was turned off by the salt but other than that it was o.k..  Until.............at about midnight my body decided to let me know just how wrong that decision was.  Yup, you guessed it, I was having a prayer session with my porcelain god.  Having gone so long without that kind of food in my system and then putting it back in really was a wake up call.  I was so sick and I think it was a good thing.  Now when I see or smell fries, instead of the usual feeling sorry for myself that I can't have them anymore, I will remember last night and pass them up without a second glance. You know, I really didn't listen to my body very much until I started to take better care of it.  I used to eat all the time and never felt a hunger pain.  My day began and ended with food.  While I was eatting Breakfast I was thinking about what I was going to eat for lunch and dinner.  Now when I get up the first thing in my head is what's on my agenda for the day.  I was so consumed with food, I really was an addict.  I was a prisoner to it day and night.  The thing is, when you quit smoking you simply put them down and never buy them or have them in the home again.  But with food, not so easy, we have to have it to live.  This is why it is so hard for people to make changes with their food. So it's back to little changes.  I don't have 3 meals a day anymore.  I eat Breakfast, snack, Lunch, snack, Dinner, snack.  So the first thing I had to do was to figure out what healthy snacking was.  The snicker bar and soda was not going to work.  The optimal snack equation is about 200 calories, 3 grams of fiber, 5 grams of protein and no more than 12 grams of fat.  Let's face it: no one snack is perfect, but some come close.  2 clementines and 7 walnut halves or 1/2 cup of grapes + 1 stick of light mozzarella string cheese is great. If you hate to plan ahead like me, you can keep some east things in the car or at your desk like a Kind peanut butter and strawberry bar or a Luna chocolate dipped coconut bar or any of the great Larabar's out there.  I love lemon myself.  My favorite on the couch watching a movie kind of snack is a banana with 2 tbsp of almond butter and a tbsp of shredded coconut over it. Oh yeah!  Great, now I'm craving my almond butter and I'm out.  Well, sorry people, I must leave and get to the store for some very healthy and tasty almond butter.  Until next time...... 

Charting

So I attend a TOPS Chapter here and have been for a few years.  By the way TOPS stands for Taking Off Pounds Sensibly. I am the Leader of my Chapter two years in a row now.  We meet once a week and it has really been helpful to me.  I think that we all need some kind of emotional support when we are trying to make changes in our lives.  This group is all about education and support.  We all take turns volunteering to give lessons or programs about various things.  One program given was about using some graph paper to chart your gains and losses.  So I gave it a try and wrote down my gains and losses from the winter of 2009 till present day.  I found that my biggest gains happen in the winter months and my greatest losses are in the summer.  I know that I drink a lot more water in the Summer and that I am very much less active in the winter.  I just thought that was interesting and I am really trying to drink a lot more this winter and try to stay active.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not very active to begin with.  The longest I am able to stand up is 15 minutes.  It used to be five but since I have been working with a physical therapist she has given me the tools to strengthen my muscles.  When I first stepped on a treadmill I was going .5 with no incline for five minutes.  I hated that dang thing.  I worked my way up to 1.0 for 10 minutes and didn't hate is so much anymore.  Now I can do 15 minutes at a time at a speed of 1.3 and a .5 incline.  To what I call normal people, this is nothing and they would just poke fun at me for it.  If you are in any shape like me though, you know how hard it is to carry 400+ pounds around.  When I go to grocery stores, I get in those ride around things just to be able to shop without pain.  Now though, if I go in for something quick, and I know it will be less than 15 minutes, I walk.  Again, perhaps no big feat for the thinner person but for me I am pretty dang proud of myself.  So I am now a member of a wellness club and the personal trainers work with my physical therapist to make sure that I don't re injure myself in any way.  Pinnacle Physical Therapy and Wellness Clinic in Covington is so great!  I can go in on my time and trainers are there to work with you if you need it or leave you alone if you don't.  I never feel like people are staring at me or judging me.  I used to belong to LA Fitness and although I really loved my personal trainer and he was really careful with me, I could never get over the stares.  I know you don't see a 400 pound woman in a health club very often but come on people, stop staring.  I am sure that half of those that did were thinking how great it was that I was in there doing something about my weight but it still bothered me.  I think that's why so many over weight people stay unhealthy, there isn't anywhere they can go and feel like they aren't on display.  I remember being in line at a Wal-Mart bathroom and a little girl in front of me turned around and said "Why are you so fat?"  Her mom was mortified and was trying to apologize for her but I knew that coming from that little girl, it was an honest question.  I said, "Because I love to eat and hate to exercise" she was very satisfied with my answer and really that was the truth back then.  But people aren't honest and blunt like that so I'm left wondering what it is they are thinking and that drives me insane.  I wasn't like this my whole life, I was on the track team in school and went to all my proms and was pretty normal.  My gaining started at the age of  18 and spiraled at my first pregnancy.  Then I had 3 C-Sections and thyroid problems that weren't diagnosed until I was already obese.  So anyway, wo is me.  I'm tired of all the reasons why I'm this big, I am now concentrating on what it takes to change.  So I go off a little sometimes, it's my blog and I guess that's my right. 

Why Change?

Now the question is, do we love ourselves and our families enough to learn more and to make changes. I do, I was to see my daughters get married and have babies. I will not be able to do that if I keep putting poison in my body. I now look at soda and Fast Food like cigarettes and drugs, yuk soooo bad for me. Thanks for reading my blog.  I don't know if any of this will help anyone, all I know is that what I am doing is working for me and I have to share it, I just want to.  I may ramble on but if that's what it takes to keep me going then so be it.

Fast Food

I have had a very long relationship with Fast Food.  Growing up in a single parent home meant fending for myself for dinners because my Mother had to work.  My sister and I survived on the basics, ravioli's, ramen, mac n cheese, and peanut butter and jelly.  Whenever we had a dollar to spare or waste, Burger King, Arby's and McDonalds was a block from our home.  It was a comfort to eat something hot that we didn't have to cook.  That's where the comfort in comfort food comes from for me.  Since then, Fast Food has been a staple.  I didn't really learn how to cook until we moved close to my husband's mom.  She was the best, the most patient cooking instructor ever.  But still once we moved back to the city, it was like the Fast Food places were calling to me.  Once you get those chemicals in your system, not only are you addicted emotionally but now physically.  So I was on a roller coaster ride that had to be stopped! Too tired to cook so we got Fast Food, then I was tired from the crap I ate.  Then, just before I started to make changes, I found myself going to the Fast Food places alone, before I would go home and make dinner for the family.  I was hiding in my car eating and eating.  It was then that I realized that I was an addict.  That was a painful realization for me.  I always took more than I needed, did it in private and felt like I was going through withdrawals if I didn't have it at least once a day.  This food was giving me a short term high or feeling of comfort.  Unfortunately the pain, guilt and disgust that follows makes you go back for more to get that high again.  So, it was time to stop!  But how?  Thank goodness there are those out there that I felt comfortable enough to ask for help.  I had to just walk away from those places but was allowed, because making that big of a change takes time, to Fast Food places to go.  Subway and Taco Time.  So for a month or so when I had a craving I went to either of those two places.  I have to say, the temptation is still there from time to time but not as strong.  My body sort of went through a detox and I felt much better two weeks after stopping to frequent the Fast Food world.  This was a huge change for me and it was hard.  Something people never tell you is that you will relapse.  Any addict of any drug of any kind 99% of the time has at least one or two relapses.  This is normal, let me repeat, this is normal.  But you learn from it and you will get better, I know because I did and I am improving every day.  Do not beat yourself up for trying and falling backwards.  This is how we learn and then have bigger successes.  Just get up and keep trying, I did and it is worth it.  This is your personal battle, and it is a battle, so move at your own pace and do not compare your journey with anyone elses.  What took me a month may take you a week or 3 months that doesn't mean you are more or less successful, just that we are all going to do things a different pace, period!

Without meat for a week.

So after talking with my nutritionist we decided to put me on a 7 day Vegan eatting plan.  Now Vegitarian is simple, no meat.  But Vegan is no animal products at all.  So no milk, eggs, cheese, butter or even fish oil or anything like that.  I was up for a challenge so I did follow an all Vegan eatting plan for 7 days.  It wasn't too bad, I thought I would be starving and totally hate it but I really liked some of the things I tried and will keep eatting them even after.  So I loved the rice milk I had with my grape nuts in the mornings and the almond butter I had on my whole grain breads was wonderful.  I made a lentil soup with vegtable broth and all kinds of good veggies in it.  After 7 days I went in and had lost 9 pounds in a week!  Holy Cow and a half!  But let's be real, there is no way I could live like a Vegan for very long.  So I have decided to do the Vegan thing 3 days a week.  That in no way means that the other 4 days I will be goofing off either. After I got my soda and my water where it needed to be I tackled the fast food issues.  Ya, I'll have to start a new Post to talk about that.  So for now I am at 416 and holding.

So the first thing I really needed to do was eliminate soda from my diet.  I used to drink about 4 to 7 cans of root beer a day.  So I started out limiting myself to 3 a day then the next week 1 a day then one every other day and now I probably have a soda once or twice a week.  I didn't do it overnight and it was still hard for me.  I feel like I was totally addicted to the sugar in it.  Some people drink diet soda and think that makes it alright.  Personally, I think that putting fake sugar in your system tricks your body until the body figures it out and then it just craves more sweet stuff.  Ever wonder why you are more thirsty after a diet soda?  Our bodies are not dumb, they can be tricked but only for so long.  If I want or crave sugar, guess what?  I am going to put real sugar in my body.  I am a firm believer that all the man made crap out there, our bodies have a hard time digesting.  Don't misunderstand me, although I use real sugar and butter, I have learned how to limit my servings.  The next step for me was my water intake.  Our bodies really need water.  What do you do when you are tired of water?  I put a slice of lemon or lime in it.  I have also put in a mint leaf and a slice of cucumber.  Water does not have to be boring.  Tea is another good way to get your water intake.  So experiment a bit and do what works for you.  Let's face it, we are all very different and we have to find what's right for us.  No one person is the same and because of that, no one weight loss plan is going to work for everyone.  I'm just trying to share some simple things that have so far helped me to loose over 30 pounds and counting. 

I wanted to change overnight. You know some magic pill or drink to change to my perfect form in like a week or two.  If you get desperate enough, you fall hook line and sinker for any lie out there that makes promises that you really want to believe.  I spent more time and money on all that crap and in return I felt so helpless and lost.  I was lost, really, considering how little knowledge I had about what I was doing to myself.  The ugly truth is, change takes time.  I wanted a quick fix and once fixed I could go back to my life the way it was but happier.  Sorry, that's so not the way it works.  If you are not willing to make a lifestyle change, you're screwed.  By the way, these changes I had to make very slowly.  Change is not easy and even less easy when you try too much too soon.  This was hard for me to learn.  I wanted all the information right now and when you do that, you set yourself up for failure.    So if there is one thing I can share that has really helped me, it's to change one or two things a week and then keep on from there.  If we shock our systems by eliminating every bad thing we have been doing to it overnight, we will be miserable and fail.  So I started my journey by joining a gym but realized that I needed more than that.  Exercise is great but I was damaged emotionally as well as physically and had no idea what to eat that was going to help me.  I started seeing a counselor to deal some childhood things that I never dealt with.  That was my first step.

Just needing to share.

Not sure this will reach anyone or not.  I just don't know very many 400 pounders willing to talk about thier journey.  I was 449 at my heaviest and I have finally started to get some good information from people that really care about me and it's working.  I'm now at 416 and hopeful.  I have 3 kids and a husband that I would like to be around for a lot longer than a few years.  I can't speak for anyone but myself but I was abused as a child and yound adult and having finally delt with those things I am healing inside and out.  There is a lot of pain and suffering out there and not a lot of honesty and I just want to be honest about what works and what doesn't when it come to losing weight for someone my size.  This is a start anyway, so I hope I can help someone out there.