Charting

So I attend a TOPS Chapter here and have been for a few years.  By the way TOPS stands for Taking Off Pounds Sensibly. I am the Leader of my Chapter two years in a row now.  We meet once a week and it has really been helpful to me.  I think that we all need some kind of emotional support when we are trying to make changes in our lives.  This group is all about education and support.  We all take turns volunteering to give lessons or programs about various things.  One program given was about using some graph paper to chart your gains and losses.  So I gave it a try and wrote down my gains and losses from the winter of 2009 till present day.  I found that my biggest gains happen in the winter months and my greatest losses are in the summer.  I know that I drink a lot more water in the Summer and that I am very much less active in the winter.  I just thought that was interesting and I am really trying to drink a lot more this winter and try to stay active.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not very active to begin with.  The longest I am able to stand up is 15 minutes.  It used to be five but since I have been working with a physical therapist she has given me the tools to strengthen my muscles.  When I first stepped on a treadmill I was going .5 with no incline for five minutes.  I hated that dang thing.  I worked my way up to 1.0 for 10 minutes and didn't hate is so much anymore.  Now I can do 15 minutes at a time at a speed of 1.3 and a .5 incline.  To what I call normal people, this is nothing and they would just poke fun at me for it.  If you are in any shape like me though, you know how hard it is to carry 400+ pounds around.  When I go to grocery stores, I get in those ride around things just to be able to shop without pain.  Now though, if I go in for something quick, and I know it will be less than 15 minutes, I walk.  Again, perhaps no big feat for the thinner person but for me I am pretty dang proud of myself.  So I am now a member of a wellness club and the personal trainers work with my physical therapist to make sure that I don't re injure myself in any way.  Pinnacle Physical Therapy and Wellness Clinic in Covington is so great!  I can go in on my time and trainers are there to work with you if you need it or leave you alone if you don't.  I never feel like people are staring at me or judging me.  I used to belong to LA Fitness and although I really loved my personal trainer and he was really careful with me, I could never get over the stares.  I know you don't see a 400 pound woman in a health club very often but come on people, stop staring.  I am sure that half of those that did were thinking how great it was that I was in there doing something about my weight but it still bothered me.  I think that's why so many over weight people stay unhealthy, there isn't anywhere they can go and feel like they aren't on display.  I remember being in line at a Wal-Mart bathroom and a little girl in front of me turned around and said "Why are you so fat?"  Her mom was mortified and was trying to apologize for her but I knew that coming from that little girl, it was an honest question.  I said, "Because I love to eat and hate to exercise" she was very satisfied with my answer and really that was the truth back then.  But people aren't honest and blunt like that so I'm left wondering what it is they are thinking and that drives me insane.  I wasn't like this my whole life, I was on the track team in school and went to all my proms and was pretty normal.  My gaining started at the age of  18 and spiraled at my first pregnancy.  Then I had 3 C-Sections and thyroid problems that weren't diagnosed until I was already obese.  So anyway, wo is me.  I'm tired of all the reasons why I'm this big, I am now concentrating on what it takes to change.  So I go off a little sometimes, it's my blog and I guess that's my right.