Saturday, December 10, 2011

Fast Food

I have had a very long relationship with Fast Food.  Growing up in a single parent home meant fending for myself for dinners because my Mother had to work.  My sister and I survived on the basics, ravioli's, ramen, mac n cheese, and peanut butter and jelly.  Whenever we had a dollar to spare or waste, Burger King, Arby's and McDonalds was a block from our home.  It was a comfort to eat something hot that we didn't have to cook.  That's where the comfort in comfort food comes from for me.  Since then, Fast Food has been a staple.  I didn't really learn how to cook until we moved close to my husband's mom.  She was the best, the most patient cooking instructor ever.  But still once we moved back to the city, it was like the Fast Food places were calling to me.  Once you get those chemicals in your system, not only are you addicted emotionally but now physically.  So I was on a roller coaster ride that had to be stopped! Too tired to cook so we got Fast Food, then I was tired from the crap I ate.  Then, just before I started to make changes, I found myself going to the Fast Food places alone, before I would go home and make dinner for the family.  I was hiding in my car eating and eating.  It was then that I realized that I was an addict.  That was a painful realization for me.  I always took more than I needed, did it in private and felt like I was going through withdrawals if I didn't have it at least once a day.  This food was giving me a short term high or feeling of comfort.  Unfortunately the pain, guilt and disgust that follows makes you go back for more to get that high again.  So, it was time to stop!  But how?  Thank goodness there are those out there that I felt comfortable enough to ask for help.  I had to just walk away from those places but was allowed, because making that big of a change takes time, to Fast Food places to go.  Subway and Taco Time.  So for a month or so when I had a craving I went to either of those two places.  I have to say, the temptation is still there from time to time but not as strong.  My body sort of went through a detox and I felt much better two weeks after stopping to frequent the Fast Food world.  This was a huge change for me and it was hard.  Something people never tell you is that you will relapse.  Any addict of any drug of any kind 99% of the time has at least one or two relapses.  This is normal, let me repeat, this is normal.  But you learn from it and you will get better, I know because I did and I am improving every day.  Do not beat yourself up for trying and falling backwards.  This is how we learn and then have bigger successes.  Just get up and keep trying, I did and it is worth it.  This is your personal battle, and it is a battle, so move at your own pace and do not compare your journey with anyone elses.  What took me a month may take you a week or 3 months that doesn't mean you are more or less successful, just that we are all going to do things a different pace, period!

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